I started this blog with the day Christian was born. Now I want to backtrack a little to our first ultrasound.  I am sure that other parents with special needs children have been through this same experience and felt the same hopelessness and helplessness of expecting a child that you know will not be "healthy."

We had been to the doctor to have our first ultrasound and to find out what sex our baby was. We were SOOO excited. We watched as the ultrasound tech checked out the baby. We counted fingers and toes, watched him wiggle around, and waited for the big news. Finally, she got it!! The tech showed us the baby parts and said "Ok here it is. Can you guess? Boy or Girl?" I was looking, but I couldn't tell. Then Chris yelled, "I see his dingy!!!" We had our little boy!!! We were so excited! I almost came up off the table because I couldn't keep still. We left that day on cloud 9.

An ultrasound from the day we found out he was a boy.

My belly the day of our first ultrasound.

We were so happy!

 A few days later we got a call from the doctors office. They were concerned about the ultrasound and wanted us to come back in and have a second ultrasound. Our hearts were broken. When we got the second ultrasound, the doctor's suspicions were confirmed. Our little boy was diagnosed with a bilateral cleft palate and lip. We were crushed. How could this happen to us? Why did this happen to us? We're good people, why do we deserve this? Where was God in all this and why did He let our child have something wrong? What were we going to do? How were we going to watch our son go through surgery? How would this affect his life? So many questions. So much heartache. I cried myself to sleep for days. I couldn't think about anything else. We were devastated. Little did we know that the worst news was yet to come. Looking back, I would celebrate if all Christian had was a cleft. I would be relieved.